Why Most of Us Are Likely Dealing With Trauma
When one hears the word ‘trauma’, it usually conjures up mental images of intensely distressing and painful events — physical or sexual assault, extreme acts of violence, psychological abuse, or the sudden death of a loved one. However, no one teaches us that there is a distinction between trauma and traumatic events. Traumatic events are observable external accounts of severe distress; trauma is a psychological reaction to something that does not even have to be traumatic. Emotional neglect or lack of human connection is revealing itself to be more the prevalent cause of trauma.
It might take a long time for an adult to realize that while they were physically and materially well cared for as a child, they were starved of deeper connections needed to develop emotionally. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is so commonly overlooked that many of us suffer through decades of depression before realizing that we need a stronger sense of belonging and connection.
Human beings have evolved in tribes. We are biologically designed to be around others with shared feelings, ideas and experiences. We cannot override our biology, no matter how much we advocate for individualism and self-reliance. We need relationships. It might seem obvious to most of us. However, our modern culture is set up in a way that makes authentic connection difficult. Our evolving social norms are taking us in the wrong direction, intensifying our isolation.
For us to cultivate deep nourishing relationships, authenticity is needed. While social media can add considerable value to our lives, we must not rely on it as a synthetic substitute for the real thing. It is a powerful tool that can also increase our capacity for inauthenticity. It gives us more power to project an image of ourselves that is not entirely accurate. We may enjoy the ‘likes’ we get online, but we mustn’t confuse attention for connection.
“If you want to enjoy being by yourself, be interesting. If you want to be in a relationship, be interested” — Werner Erhard
When pursuing any worthwhile goal, we need to be consistent with our efforts. Be there. Show up. Building connections and relationships are no different. Be there. Show up. Instead of earning approval or adoration through social hacks, we should give our time, share our true feelings, express ourselves fully, and listen earnestly.
The good news is that we can recover from trauma through reconnection. We don’t need to wait for others to initiate or re-establish this profound journey of healing. We need to show up as ourselves, ready to be vulnerable.
